could not sleep that night

reflecting

I tried to look back from a distance, comparing

my attempts were useless, of course

it's not the first time and probably not the last

nerves, nerves

it's possible to take a pill and have peace

it's possible to turn from side to side

I did not fall asleep

I wept

maybe I did not want even to fall asleep

wanted to cry

wishing to be with my dear ones with whose who loved me

I wanted to recall them from my memory

but this is only possible in the darkness of a sleepless night

wanted to imagine what would be and how

if they would be alive today

if my mother and father would live

being with me on all my holidays

when I took the vows of marriage

when I have brought a son into this world

when I led him for the first time to school

and today - when I have reached the celebtation of his Bar-Mitzvah

- they were always missing at the important moments of my life

there was only sorrow - tears and longing

memories unforgettable eternal

I never had a real holiday real joy

in my life there was ghetto war Auschwitz

no, not necessary to weep or take pills

this is not a sickness not nerves - this is reality through memories

this can not be treated ar lull to sleep

this is life

and today my son is having a Bar-Mitzvah thirteen years old

from those ashes and blood not only death remained

a new life grew from them

my victory mine and my child's holiday

I thought about it till dawn then I fell asleep

without a pill

without a tranquilizer