I want to be satisfied, peaceful

I want to think about good, trust

rejoice in life, love, joy

and give gladness, merriment, love

but I can not

involuntarily I do harm to myself and others

harm with my sadness

eternal worry which is fuming in me

and I am doing things I don't want

feeling things I do not want

I would like to run away from myself

away from that which is ruling my life

which stirs in me

pushing me I don't know where and why

but there is no escape, there is none

because all the time something is chasing me

and catching me everywhere

certain pain moan cry

chasing after me in good days

happy warm nights

tormenting, controlling

prompting

does not allow a moment of rest

demanding always from me something

sorrow yearning is chasing after me

after my loved lost ones

to real good people

today

- and longing to myself

not to the browbeaten, despondent, sad one

but to the one I would like to be

which I know I could have been

if only I would not be chased

by this pain

I like to be joyful, confident and peaceful

giving joy, serenity, cheer

but I can not